Sometimes I reckon I am a comic simply because I only sleep on Sundays and power through the rest of the week high strung and delirious (speed talking is one of my skills). Or because I am extremely talented in impersonating forest animals. But really, my hilarity originates in the fact that the affairs I find myself engaging in in my everyday are hysterically amusing and would probably never happen in any other part of the world. At least once a day, many times more, things happen which make me mutter (and sometimes holler) ‘Only In Taiwan’.. or OIT as we’ve abbreviated (xie xie Will). If you live abroad, no doubt you can relate. Do not mistake these tales for ignorance, I am actually extremely cultured, but even so I am slightly naive, I have a rather short temper, and I make fun of unfortunate foreigner happenings. JUST FOR LAUGHS.
These cultural accounts, past, present, and future, will keep you amused with an array of easy readings and effortless laughs to brighten your day, whether it is snickering at me or chuckling with me, I promise to impress. I’ll update often.
Beneath the header, you’ll find ONLY IN TAIWAN, follow my narratives there.
November. Scorpio season. It’s frosty with a few flakes back in the homeland, even so I’m basking in the warm autumn rays of the Taiwan sun, which despite all the pollution, still finds its way to kiss my face. Last nights party was Monster Massive, a Taiwanese trance party with ravers in the thousands. It’s possible and probable that I went home with more than a few electric blue glow sticks vibrantly illuminating my purse. I HATE trance.
Monster Massive @ The World Trade Center, Halloween, 2009
I was a Geisha. I’m almost Japanese now.
And with that, comes this.
Click the image above to see more. And then, Wiki it all, as I did and absorbed myself in to find this information. Fascinating. This is traditional Chinese foot binding. Originating in the 10th century, and ending in the 20th century, finally outlawed only in 1949. This tradition was practiced amongst only the wealthy and elite, symbolizing their freedom from exertions of ANY sort. Also did it seem, that the smaller the foot, the more coveted the woman. This tradition prospered as did the social and sexual desirability of such women. At the age of 3, when bones are only beginning to develop, the arch of the foot was broken and bound for 2 years, and then emerging from the cocoon was a foot measuring 3 to 3 and 1/2 inches. A lifetime of pain, to walk in those feet. All for a man. Then for fashion. To this day. High heels…diets. It’s all relative.
Famous!
Gay Pride Parade Taipei City 2009. Another affair with numbers in the thousands, 25 000 to be unofficial. For a country, and when I use the term country, let it be known I worry to be politically incorrect, but for a country, I feel, that is so conservative in so many social essences, especially those sexual, the entire occasion most definitely radiated with spirited sexual energy (in many forms), passion, and pride. I partook in the parties especially charmed and with the utmost admiration.
Cresencio @ Gay Pride (make up by ME)
Run on sentences may or may not be one of my skills, I love them. Literary or vocal, I’m fast and intense, too many thoughts and too little breaths. Recently I happened upon a blog in which I was quoted AND my photos used, and the blogger had written that the whole bit was written by a girl in Taipei who was strung out, high, or something. Strange, that. I am high strung at best, I like the sound of my own voice (or the look of my own words, I suppose), and am ridiculous in demeanor to be sure. At least she properly cited my blog, which upped my counters some. I struggled slightly today with WordPress, an upgrade is now looming, as I want to integrate some space where I can tell tales of my cultural retardedness, like how tonight we hit a new Tepinyaki spot free of any English menu, and therefore ordered by bhhhaaaaa-ing at the chef, meaning we wanted mutton. Only in Taiwan. Not to be mistaken for ignorance, I am actually incredibly cultured, but also really, really entertaining. I will brighten your day.
The days go by, smooth and swift, but not all filled with Cheshire smiles despite how wonderful its been. Audrey is my constant in this Asian life, with all that is happening, the wild and the wicked, she holds my hand through it all. Thank you. This life is surreal and psychedelic, peculiar and out of this world. You should be jealous. Very, very jealous.
It’s Saturday night, and I’m wrapped warm and tight in a purrito and watching Eraserhead. I’m so happy. I’m so tired. I’m so busy. But so so happy. In the beginning, the first six months of becoming Taiwanese were cumbersome with plaguing homesickness and such, and the following six spent in anticipation of a voyage back to the motherland, which can all be summed up with tales and tunes of broken hearts and concrete floors. Well here I am, back in Taipei, and hella stoked with all that I’ve done, am doing, and will do. I think perhaps these blogs became slightly too personal at times, with apparent underlying tones, but they did what they were supposed to bearing in mind my flakiness when it comes to staying in touch, even with my parents. Sorry. I’ll do better. There has been so much happening that sometimes I have trouble separating my dreams from reality, or my dreams are spilling into my reality, or my nightmares, or vice versa, anyway it’s easy to lose your subconscious mind in this surreal world I dwell in. I digress. Photographic adventures have been plentiful (with the exception of Japan, an unfortunate account that breaks ma petit coeur to talk about), though Flickr is and has been going strong, and stories I will catch up on in tidbits by sneaking in little literary laughs from time to time like ‘Did I tell you about the time I had betel nut spit in my face, or the time I pissed off the mob and how they got their revenge, or when I wiped out on a highway into oncoming traffic driving a manual motorcycle in Cambodia, and the best, the time I was suspended from the ceiling by a rope wearing a pleather cat suit for a computer commercial?’ Life is grand, never stagnant. Stimulating and scholastic, and obviously THE TIME OF MY LIFE. Crookers are (still) the soundtrack to my life, I’m on scooter number three, have indulged on snake blood and apparently I like fish, and have learned that I am, by default, a European citizen and can work, play, and educate myself wherever this Euro heart and soul desires. This summer past opened up doors of dreams for me that we’re shut tight prior to, though for the moment, this nevereverland in Asia is my raison d’etre. I have, however, set my sights on a relocation to Shanghai next year, but since being back in Taiwan, WHO KNOWS. What is for sure, is that there is no more North America in my immediate, or far off future. COME VISIT.
Monks monking in Luang Prabang, Laos
Since my last pennings of German gibberish, I’ve trotted soils in Thailand, Cambodia, Laos (Laos I will write about again, Laos caressed me down), I’ve danced with devil under the pale moonlight of the Philippines, again, gone for broke in Japan where I existed solely on grapefruit sake and the fanciest of Hi Chew flavors, and of course, home sweet(?) home Canadiana … I’ve acquired new lenses, moved into the most humble of abodes, owned a rent-a-dog, and gained a roommate, best friend, mother, sister, and girlfriend. Allow me to introduce to you Audrey Harton. Dear Audrey, you are the warmth inside my purrito, I love you.
Beautiful Boracay
I promise promise to keep you more au courant with my Taiwacky antics, collective of hilarities and sorrows and all which make up my wonderful existence in my wonderful life in the wonderful land of green tea and dumplings. No more heart stuff after this. Something light. Something funny. SEND IN THE CLOWNS!! I leave you with photographs and pleads for Bridgehead coffee to my door. It’s almost my BIRTHDAY! 7F-1, No. 473 Song Jiang Road, Taipei City, TAIWAN. Ahem.
Bangkok is sundresses, backpackers, lady boys, fresh fruit with muesli, pad thai, and Euros. So many Euros. It’s HOT AND SUNNY and suuuuper cheap. Laos tomorrow.
FINALLY, I wrote something, right? There are far from enough seconds in a day. Don’t we all feel it? I could really use the 10 or so extra days that Pope Gergory XIII removed from our calendar in 1582. Between working full time, Christmas plays, moving, the holidays (what holidays?), two root canals, PLAYING WITH MY NEW DIGITAL SLR, and just living Taipei, my minutes are precious. My 5 day holiday I spent in deep slumber, dreaming of the magic that is going to happen in just 10 more short sleeps, love and lust await me in south east Asia, all of which my new camera will capture. Wait for it.
San Zhr Abandoned UFO Pod Village. Could there be a more captivating draw for a quest? North of Taipei, just 15 minutes east of Danshui on a motorcycle, just after highway 2 joins with the coast, lie the shabby remains of a once aspiring futuristic housing/hotel development, now cursed by spirits, legends, and Taiwan weather alike.
The construction of the pods began in the 1960’s, or was it the 1980’s? Nobody knows. Nobody knows why the project was halted and then abandoned, or whether it was to be luxurious housing or a futuristic vacation spot for the wealthy. Nor does anybody know how or why the complex was left in such a state of disrepair.
Before I ventured out to this charismatic ghost town, researching the pods found so many tales that try to tell what the pod project was meant to be, and why it was left abandoned. One story tells that there were so many fatal misfortunes during its construction, and being how superstitious the Taiwanese are, no one wanted to visit, let alone live there. Superstitions go on, alas this Saturday afternoon, the site was packed with Taiwanese visitors, aspiring photographers or ones embracing fears, we were far from alone. The story goes on. The souls of those who passed during construction are said to linger, preventing any plans of completion or redevelopment. While reading of the pods, an online article reads that the buildings couldn’t be demolished, since destroying the homes of spirits and lost souls is taboo in Asian culture. However, other articles also state that the government is pushing strong for a fast approaching demolishment.
A contradicting story, one of so many, tells that the project began construction in the 1980’s and was funded with money made on the Taipiei stock exchange, but shortly near completion, a developer ran with the money. Another version tells that the company funding the project ran out of money. With no re-investors, weather and ghost stories played their part on the deterioration of this complex.
Yet another tale states that developers went ahead with construction without yet receiving the proper permits and approvals from the city to go ahead, which were then after denied and when left with no license to run a business, the doors were closed on the project.
The complex is a treat for ones imagination. The spherical, once vividly colored pods, look like the prototype could have been made by gluing Smarties atop of one other, after the architect was hours deep into an X-Files marathon. The rotting Roman looking structure was to be shops. The site has two pools and a cave made from fake stone. It was to have a small amusement park in the middle and a dam to protect it from storm surges. Funny, that, since the pods themselves were constructed of fiberglass, over top concrete. Situated right on the northern shore, winds, rain, water, and so many typhoons have contributed to the demise of the pods. It amazes me to think how these were ever believed to have withstood tropical coastal weather systems. Many of them have completely fallen apart. Windows are few and far between, walls are almost non-existent, stairs are crumbing, many no longer have roofs, some have even collapsed on themselves. But the ones left intact showed signs that people had been living in them, probably squatters or kids looking for a thrill.
A photographers delight, as much so for an explorer, or simply a way to spend an afternoon in Taiwan, the pod village is one of Taiwan’s many best. 2009 is going to be a lively year. I’m ready for it.
Have you ever even SEEN a solved Rubik cube lying around? I haven’t, I’ve only ever picked them up, frustratingly mumbled how, and thrown a few against a wall. I was on the MRT and noticed these two guys fiddling with Rubik’s cubes. They saw me watching, one sort of nodded at me, and thirty seconds later completed the cube. 30 SECONDS! Speedcubing, is what it’s called, I only wish I had taken a video so you could see how fast his fingers moved. I LOST MY MIND and went on about this for hours.. guy must work in computers, math or something genius, to have memorized such algorithms. There are 519,024,039,293,878,272,000 or 519 quintillion possible combinations to solve this cube, have you even ever heard the number quintillion? But it can be solved in as little as 22 twists.
And here I thought Jenga was tough..
A football game in Connecticut was delayed when one player, Bob Blake, failed to take the field. He was found in the locker room playing with the Cube.
One of the youngest Cube solvers ever back in 1981 was seven year old Lars-Erik Anderson of Norway. He often did the Cube, but could not explain how!
Stay tuned for our special investigative report on the clitoris, ” Nature’s Rubik’s Cube”
Homesickness is plaguing me like a hacking cough to a smokers frail lungs. I’m searching for nostalgia wherever I can, in things like music, atmosphere, movies…anything I can to recreate home. Taipei’s shine is beginning to wear off, and I am forever missing my friends, my cats, my bed, Liam. It hits me in waves, these bouts of homesickness. It’s like when you are lying in bed suuuuper hungover, you roll over and then battle waves of nausea for 3 minutes until your stomach settles again. Homesickness hits you in almost the same way, every time you shift your brain in another direction, you battle waves of tears for 3 minutes until your brain settles again. Somebody hold me.
Best birthday present EVER. Thank you Jen Traplin. I almost died at 1:01…
Okay, so I can’t can’t deny that I’ve made some friends here. In the most elegant atmosphere, I had birthday dinner at DOZO Izakaya Dining Bar on Saturday night in Taipei. SO NICE. Nearly 25 of us sat barefooted on cushions in the most fancy shmancy of private rooms, sipped Sake and chomped on raw fish. DOZO is AMAZING, GO THERE. After, we journeyed through the magical coke door (Copa) to PUMP UP THE JAM, and later danced our little hearts out at Luxy. By the end of it all, we’d partied pretty hard and I might have been caught dancing to some sort of spin on trance music (Asians LOVE trance). But you know what, I’m in Taiwan, it’s allowed, just like I’m allowed to wear scrunchies and socks with sandals. I’m especially allowed to dance to trance, country, ANYTHING…when the dance floor is a giant fluorescent lit checker board. Fuck that, it was the best gd dance party EVERRRR. I SAID IT.
Me: Wait a second, Swayyyy, are we dancing to trance music?
Sway: Yesssss, do you want to stop?
Me: Um, nooooo.
Today is November 11th, Remembrance Day in Canada, I could have forgotten here in Taiwan. How many lines of ‘In Flanders Fields’ do you remember? I only got to ‘that mark our place; and in the sky’ before I had to stop and Google. I quickly veered from the task at hand, captivated by the ever iconic poppy. Did you know that Afghanistan’s Poppy Market produces 95 percent of the worlds heroin supply? Interesting, with retrospect to the Taliban, right? And their thoughts on us proudly bearing poppies over our hearts, symbolizing death (or eternal sleep), since a poppy to them also means death, but death in such a different context… I fear to continue, are you allowed to say just anything on these here blogs? On the lighter side, did you know this aspect of opium induced eternal sleep was used in the Wizard of Oz? Of course you did. Remember the magical poppy fields that were dangerous to those who crossed through them, putting them to sleep forever?
Read this: Afghanistan’s poppy market produces nearly 95 percent of the world’s heroin supply. In 2007, it produced 8,200 tons of opium, up 34 percent from the 2006 record harvest. While there is significantly more gain for the farmers to yield poppies than other crops, the percentage of farmers actually generating opium production is less than 12.6 percent of the population. Poppy cultivation and heroin production is causing an increase in drug addiction among women, men, and children. There are now roughly 150,000 opium users, 50,000 heroin addicts, and 520,000 cannabis smokers in Afghanistan. Of those, 120,000 are women and 60,000 are children. Keep reading: http://www.iwf.org/campus/show/20765.html
With Laos close behind (in Opium production), you should know we’ve booked our flights to backpack Laos, Cambodia, and Thailand for 3 weeks during Chinese New Year, leaving on January 22nd, 2009. FUCK YEAH.
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.
- John McCrae
Here in this exhilarating and everlasting fun land, living modern yet amidst so much Chinese history, surrounded by volcanoes, typhoons, neon signs, tea shops, noodles bars, costume parties, and cockroaches, guys…still I’m really fucking lonely. Put all this traveling and amazing life experiences stuff aside for a minute; let me tell you about EMOtions. Loneliness is evil, it manipulates the mind, creates insecurities where once there were none, and generates uncertainties in…well, everything. The only thing in my life I’ve ever been insecure about is my monster shoulders (right…so these days I’m convinced I’m looking like a lady boy from the behind). But being alone in Taiwan, with the distance between the people I love becoming more and more apparent…my feelings are becoming vicious and unpredictable and there has been more than a few moments that I’ve recognized how badly I need to pull my shit together. It’s making me weak, softening me in every way that I was once so strong. But in saying this, in areas that I may have once been weak, I’m strengthening. Catch 22, or something, right? I’m a Scorpio, I’m intense in everything I do and become involved with, so all these new sensations are being fired out of me with forces that are overwhelming and terrifying. It’s my birthday next week, I turn 25 and with that I feel that there is even more scariness looming deep in my brain. Relating to things like the future, babies, husbands… Someone tell me, is this just all normal stuff tied into such a milestone approaching? Why didn’t anyone warn me about getting older, how age tries to play with your mind? Like really, am I talking about babies and husbands here??? SEEEE, SOMEONE HURRY, COME HERE AND BRING ME BACK TO MY PLAYFUL REALITY FULL OF COTTON CANDY AND UNICORNS. So I’m having these moments, thanks all for putting up with my phone calls and texts over there in Canada. Love yous.
In the last week, I’ve discovered that Pump Up The Jam by Technotronic is one of the best songs of all time, become addicted to Coldstone (cheesecake ice cream with strawberries, whipped cream, and yellow cake), learned gibberish (adding idig before every vowel in every word… like tridigy thidigis oidigut lidigoidigud means try this out loud), watched the sunset from Lover’s Bridge in Danshui (alone), and zipped almost 400 kilometers in 90 minutes to Koahsiung, Taiwan on a whirlwind of an adventure. I’m pretty sure Taz can’t even go that fast. Connecting most of Taiwan’s western cities, the High Speed Rail runs North to South to most cities, these are trains using Japan’s bullet train technology and topping speeds up to 315 km/hour. Imagine getting from Ottawa to Toronto in 90 minutes…for $40CAD. Also imagine being able to bring your own beers from 7-11, and six of you swing your seats around to face one another to do the wave every time someone walks by. We like, we like to party! The trains go SO FAST that you can barely catch a phone signal, and your ears hum, not like when your traveling at high altitudes and your ears pop form the change in pressure, but you can feel the speed in your ears by a gentle electric hum. We forgot to play that good old ping pong game, too drunko, next time!
WE ARE TAIWANESE, NOT CHINESE
…a huge banner reads near Renai Road and Fuxing. I woke up to this cheerful parade last Saturday:
When I write these entries, it’s usually after a few pints, maybe some hash, and I’m on a roll. I write and write and write my little heart out, then go back to edit. When I finished writing today, pre edit, I ventured out into Shida night market for a treat. Of all the unusual culinary concoctions Asia offers me, Dan Bing being my favorite, today my palette was treated to the most peculiar of all. But first, let me tell you about Dan Bing. I order my Dan Bing in the mornings with bacon and cheese. It’s an egg (with bacon and cheese, obvs) fried with some type of crepe and green onion type thing overtop, rolled up and covered in a brown sweet sauce. Served with a side of lo buo gao (white radish cake). All this in 30 seconds, for 30 NT ($1CAD). Breakfast EVERYDAY. Fuck yeah. So, craving something sweet, tonight I stop at an ice cream stand, foreigner run…can’t remember from where this fella was. I spent 5 minutes sampling flavors like garlic ice cream, green tea ice cream, dark beer, cheese (not delish Cheesecake a la Coldstone, I mean like cold cream old cheddar), and black sesame. My taste buds still being western, I settled on chocolate and meandered on home to spread the word, garlic ice cream. Woah. But this is Taiwan’s appeal to me, weirding me out. I like weird, I like what I’m not accustomed too. Here, you don’t ask for Kleenex, you ask for a tissue. Q-tips are cotton swabs and Band-aids are bandages. A few weeks ago I might have written kleenex, q-tips, and band-aids. Think about that. I like how they think here, the open mindedness. If you see three people to a scooter, you don’t think ‘oh my god, they’re gonna die’…but you think ‘hey! there’s still room for one more…’
My name is Olivia. This is the wild and the wicked, as well as the lovely and the passionate, dreams and realities from Taipei, Taiwan and worlds beyond. Follow my world!
My name is Olivia. This is the wild and the wicked, as well as the lovely and the passionate, dreams and realities from Taipei, Taiwan and worlds beyond. Follow my world!
